Emotionally Intelligent Teams And Boundary-setting In Academic Libraries

Emotionally Intelligent Teams Need Boundaries, Not Martyrs

Academic libraries often pride themselves on being collegial, service‑oriented, and deeply relational spaces. That ethos is one of our strengths—and it’s also where things can quietly go wrong.

On many library teams, emotional intelligence shows up as empathy, flexibility, and a willingness to step in when someone else is overwhelmed. But without clear boundaries, that same emotional intelligence can slide into overwork, resentment, and burnout.

The most effective teams don’t just value emotional intelligence. They pair it with boundary‑setting—and they treat both as shared responsibilities rather than individual personality traits.

The Emotionally Intelligent Team Member

Emotionally intelligent librarians tend to be easy to spot. They:

• Notice when a colleague is struggling—even if nothing is said out loud

• Read the room during meetings and adjust their communication accordingly

• De‑escalate tension without dismissing real concerns

• Make space for quieter voices and validate different perspectives

These behaviors build trust and psychological safety. Teams with emotionally intelligent members are more collaborative, more creative, and better able to navigate change.

But here’s the catch: emotionally intelligent people are often the first to absorb extra labor.

They take on the emotional work. They fill the gaps. They say yes when others hesitate.

And over time, that imbalance becomes a team problem—not an individual one.

The Boundary‑Setter Isn’t the Problem

Every team also has (or needs) someone who creates boundaries.

This is the person who:

• Pushes back on unclear expectations

• Names when capacity has been exceeded

• Asks whether work is aligned with priorities

• Declines tasks that don’t belong to their role

Too often, boundary‑setting librarians are labeled as “difficult,” “not a team player,” or “resistant to change.” In reality, they are often doing critical emotional labor of a different kind: protecting sustainability.

Boundaries aren’t a lack of care. They’re an expression of care for the work, the people doing it, and the long‑term health of the team.

A Case Study: Boundary-Setting and Neurodivergence

Consider a library team member who identifies as neurodivergent. They are deeply committed to the work, highly skilled, and emotionally intelligent—but they experience sensory overload during long, unstructured meetings and struggle when expectations shift without warning.

Rather than masking or quietly absorbing the strain, this team member names specific boundaries:

• Requests agendas in advance

• Asks for meetings to stay within defined time limits

• Declines last-minute task switching when it compromises focus

• Communicates clearly about when collaboration is energizing versus draining

At first, the team feels uneasy. Some worry the requests create "special treatment." Others misread the boundaries as inflexibility.

But something important happens when the team pauses to reflect.

Such group self-awareness breeds a sense of psychological safety and trust, helping everyone feel they are seen, known, and accepted—in short, everyone feels they belong. Self-awareness at the group level means members know one another’s emotional terrain and can name each person’s strengths and limits.

Once the team understands why the boundaries exist, those boundaries become a shared asset rather than an individual accommodation. Meetings become clearer for everyone. Task ownership improves. Friction decreases.

What began as one person advocating for their needs ultimately strengthens the entire team.

Where Teams Get Stuck

Problems arise when emotional intelligence and boundary‑setting are treated as opposing traits instead of complementary ones.

Some common patterns:

• Emotionally intelligent team members quietly overfunction while others underfunction

• Boundary‑setters are isolated or overridden rather than listened to

• Leaders reward “helpfulness” without examining workload equity

• Burnout is framed as an individual resilience issue instead of a structural one

When this happens, trust erodes—even if everyone is being polite.

Reframing the Work: From Individuals to Team Norms

Healthy teams don’t rely on heroic individuals. They build shared norms that support both emotional intelligence and boundaries.

Here’s what that looks like in practice.

1. Normalize Naming Capacity

Make it acceptable—and expected—for team members to say:

• “I don’t have capacity for this right now.”

• “If I take this on, something else needs to come off my plate.”

• “Can we clarify ownership before moving forward?”

When capacity is discussed openly, boundaries stop feeling personal.

2. Treat Boundaries as Information, Not Resistance

When someone pushes back, the most productive question isn’t Why won’t you do this? but What is this telling us about our systems?

Boundary‑setting often reveals:

• Role creep

• Chronic understaffing

• Unclear priorities

• Emotional labor being unevenly distributed

That’s valuable data.

3. Distribute Emotional Labor Intentionally

Emotional intelligence shouldn’t live with the same one or two people.

Teams can share this work by:

• Rotating facilitation and meeting check‑ins

• Explicitly recognizing emotional labor in workload discussions

• Encouraging multiple people to step into support roles

When emotional labor is visible, it becomes manageable.

4. Leaders Model Both Empathy and Limits

Leaders set the tone.

When leaders:

• Acknowledge emotions and protect time

• Say no publicly and explain why

• Reprioritize instead of quietly absorbing more work

They signal that boundaries are part of professional practice—not a failure of commitment.

What This Looks Like in a Healthy Library Team

In emotionally intelligent, boundary‑aware teams:

• Trust is built through clarity, not overextension

• Psychological safety includes the freedom to say no

• Care for colleagues includes care for sustainability

• Conflict is addressed early, before resentment sets in

These teams don’t just survive change—they adapt without burning people out.

A Final Thought

Academic librarianship doesn’t need more self‑sacrifice disguised as teamwork.

It needs teams that understand this truth:

Emotional intelligence without boundaries leads to exhaustion. Boundaries without emotional intelligence lead to disconnection.

Together, they create teams that are humane, effective, and built to last.

That’s not just good leadership. It’s responsible stewardship of the people who make our libraries work.